So, I’ve been working with Girl Scouts now for about 6 months, heading up marketing for the Chicago area council and I’ve learned a lot! When you’re no longer “a girl” you forget about the drama, fun, pimples, periods and plans that go along with the “she-ness” of it all! I’ve had the chance to spend some time talking to girls, especially those in our Reality Check program that brings out what girls have to say. And they’re saying a lot.

Were our lives as busy as the girls’ of today? That’s my first lesson. These girls have WAY too much to do. Yes, we all expect homework and sports and music and, in these cases, Girl Scouts. But some of these have incredible COMMUTES to school each day. And JOBS. And SCIENCE PROJECTS. And LESSONS. I remember baby-sitting a lot – a good way to get Julius Caesar read. And I had guitar lessons, which were a waste of everyone’s time and money. And clubs – lots of clubs. But I don’t think I felt the pressure these girls feel now.

Lesson 2. They WANT to do it all. Girl-time is when she should have great big adventures, when she can try on everything and see what fits. Yesterday colleagues and I were in a webinar about STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) and how girls aren’t looking to careers in these fields. We were laughing how we were very interested in some of these topics – just not very good at them. (Ok – I was saying that!) Never did I imagine myself in a lab jacket or at a computer (despite they hadn’t been invented yet!) or as a field engineer. But we were never exposed to any of these opportunities. Now a girl may be participating in a Lego Robotics championship one day, acting in a school play the next and tutoring classmates on improving English on another day. It’s exciting to meet these girls who jump in to try it all – especially areas their Moms may never have considered. Back to Lesson #1. They choose to be busy when they can do so many cool things.

Lesson #3. Hail to the adults who invest in girls. It often doesn’t take much to spark a girl to passion. Or to show her there IS a way to change direction in her life. Conversations can make a huge difference in letting girls know there is value to what they have to say. Listening and offering options and opportunities can break through to a girl who might have tuned out family or teachers. Showing a girl a new skill – especially abstract tools like critical thinking and problem solving – can give a girl a new way to approach life. An investment can be an important dollar commitment to something like Girl Scouts to bring programming to girls who otherwise might not be able to afford experiences. Or it can be an investment in time – even just starting a conversation with the girl down the block about what her dreams might be for the future.

Lesson #4. What I learned as a girl was much more important than what I wore. Though I did have a fabulous wardrobe because my sister and I shared clothes. But I learned it was okay to express myself creatively in Mr. Amelio’s English class and to take risks in drama class. (But not Chemistry, as Mrs. Olson would agree.) It was inspiring to think differently in Civics and explore new territory in Geometry. And it was very satisfying to take on leadership roles in after school clubs and projects. Yes, and clothes from the covers of Seventeen didn’t hurt!

I encourage you to learn something from a girl this holiday season. Talk to them (even if that means pulling out their earbuds from their I-phone) and listen to what they have to say. And reflect on what’s the same and what’s different from your own girlhood. And what you learned as a girl and can learn from them now.

Tags: Girl Scouts

This entry was posted on Friday, December 9th, 2011 at 1:30 pm and is filed under blog items. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

My life has gone from downright leisurely to scattered, scheduled, hectic, grueling, tiring, etc. Or, as today’s culture would say — “crazy” or “just insane”.

Does anyone else have a problem with those words? Liz Monroe-Cook, my favorite psychologist, concurs with me that there are many better words to use when referring to a frantic schedule. We can be frenetic, unsettled, chaotic, even turbulent. But to use terms that refer to mental problems for our daily hassles, simply doesn’t pay respect to people with real problems.

Besides there are so many BETTER, more colorful words. Like busy, full, fervent and strenuous. And when we’re overwhelmed with GOOD things, we can be passionate, purposeful, driven, excited and even wacky.

Personally I am referring to my current state as “overstimulated”. Please steal this term. I chose it to represent so many great things that are making me think every day. My new life includes heading up Marketing for the Chicagoland Girl Scouts so every day brings huge waves of stimulation. Plus I continue to do some new product work, requiring deep, conceptual thought. And there are my deep-dive discussions with friends — all delicious stimulation.

And not all stimulation these days is the good kind. Our nation and world seems to be enveloped in an unrest cloud that causes anxieties that clog our creativity and clear thinking. Some of our deepest values of democracy and freedom are being questioned when we’re saddled by looming budget deficits and pigheaded, partisan politicians.

My wish for us all today is to stay inspired in this overstimulated world and to bring peace and justice to what we CAN control.

And while I’m on my soap box about words, can we substitute “no problem” with “my pleasure”. Think about this the next time you thank someone and you get a mumbled “no problem” back.

Tags: crazy, words

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 7th, 2011 at 5:06 pm and is filed under blog items. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Today is the 34th anniversary of Studio 54 – the iconic disco that represented all that was evil, fun and famous in society in 1977. A friend reminded me of this event (we were both in NYC last week and he did a pilgrimage to the site. I did a pilgrimage to Murray’s Cheese Shop!). So, if you’re about the “Mirror Image age” (over 50), and didn’t live under a rock — you did your share of disco dancing!

Do the hustle! (Click on the link, go to iTunes or YouTube right now and put some funky music on! Staying Alive is fine. Fly, Robin, Fly. I Will Survive…) What great music we had! Ok, it wasn’t that great, but it was really good to dance to. The Bus Stop, the Get Down and all the other silly line dances were easy enough for most to follow along. And you didn’t have to worry about someone asking you to dance. Great exercise, too. And you worked up a thirst and could keep going all night.

My favorite memory was on a ski trip to Powderhorn in Michigan. We went out to the only bar/lodge/disco walkable (and there were 2 busloads of us, so we could only walk). This was the cafeteria during the day where families of skiers clomped through in wet ski boots and gloves and hats and sat down at long picnic tables with bad chili – that was magically transformed when they moved out the tables and turned on the disco ball in the evening.

My ski club group often took over the bar, making friends with skiers from other areas, and leading the dj in requests for disco songs and setting up the evening’s “dance routine.” We looked great – flared pants, flower print flowy tops, probably platform shoes or at least cool shoes to dance in. After MANY cocktails, we were out on the floor in a spirited Bus Stop (do a bunch of arm movements and easy steps, turn to the right, repeat….) I was at the end of the line as a leader and putting all my enthusiasm into the dance. Turn right, turn right, turn right, turn right… when I realized I was the only person on the dance floor. My friends had quietly conspired to get the entire bar – probably 70 people – to vacate the floor when I turned to face the wall, On the next “turn right” I realized there was no one in front of me, and then no one next to or behind me. And I kept on dancing. Like there was nothing odd. Though I guess I had quite a surprised look on my face. Plus I always thought I was a better dancer than I really was. So the Powderhorn Lodge had an impromptu show that night. At least I hadn’t lost my clothes or anything.

Disco was fun. We were in our twenties and social life was so important. We worked hard during the day and let off a bundle of steam at night. Disco was our exercise routine, our friends, our “sense of place”, our fashion guide (no John Travolta white suits, fortunately) our family.

So today, crank up the CD or iTunes and dance to celebrate all the fun times of the 70s. Bet the Hustle comes right back to you!

What was your favorite disco song? And memory? Please share!

Tags: 70s, Disco

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 26th, 2011 at 10:36 am and is filed under blog items. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Several years ago I was lucky enough to be involved in a market research project for a food company about Moms’ emotions and the holidays. There were some real breakthroughs! (Want to make Moms happy at Thanksgiving? Move it to Sunday! Did you know Christmas is a competitive sport among Moms, families, neighbors, co-workers and kids’ friends’ moms?)

But the most uplifting part of the research came around Easter. Everything about the holiday and season is pleasing to women. Pastel colors. Fresh spring flowers. Creatively putting together baskets to hide on Easter Sunday morning. The family willingly goes to church. And dresses up.

From a food standpoint, there are no hard-and-fast “musts”. Want to do brunch? Great! Warm up an easy spiral ham? Fine. No complicated family recipes for stuffing or corn souffle or even Jell-o that have been handed down for generations to mess with. No expectations that your rolls need to be good as Aunt Sally’s. You can even use paper plates at some families’ Easters!

Easter outfits bring back many memories to Moms. Maybe you remember wearing a little hat or your favorite patent leather shoes. Or the family dressed in matching colors for photos. One woman fondly reminisced about wearing her first girdle and hose for her Easter outfit – and how grown-up she felt. We can dress up ourselves, our kids and our pets to look fresh and clean for the holiday. And there are no silly football games (Thanksgiving) or picnic games, so the whole family stays cleaner, longer.

One of the sweetest insights around the holiday is how Moms see how much their children have grown over the winter. Spring means it’s time to bring out the clothes packed away from last summer  and we see how everything has been outgrown. Plus we see how kids have matured over the winter — maybe trying a new spring vegetable this year that disgusted them last spring. Or seeing new-found independence on their bikes that wasn’t evident last fall.

Spring is a spiritual time as well. Many women rejoice in the Easter story and hymns sung at church, even sneaking out of the house early for sunrise service. Or at least silently thanking their god for bringing back the green grass, the longer days and joy and smiles in people once the weather warms.

So salute spring and Easter with gusto! Get that cute skirt you’ve been thinking about (yes, you can wear a skirt – and be delighted in how comfortable it is!), make something with strawberries or asparagus for your family, eat some jelly beans or chocolate eggs, plant some flowers and have a glass of wine outside the minute the weather breaks! Give hugs to your family, neighbors and friends and walk the dog a few extra blocks. Enjoy this season that’s a favorite of women!

What are some of your favorite Easter or spring memories? Please share!

Tags: Easter, holiday, Spring clothes

This entry was posted on Friday, April 22nd, 2011 at 8:07 am and is filed under blog items. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

In our LifeSort workshops, Liz often mentions how our identities are shaped when we were girls – before the constraints of womanhood and reality steered us away from what we really ARE to what we think we should be. Based on what our parents tell us. Based on what other girls are doing. Based on what the media shows. Based on anything but what we feel in our hearts.

So I was intrigued about this enough to pick up an out-of-print book at the library, The Girl Within, by Emily Hancock. Emily was interviewing women for her doctoral dissertation and uncovered this realization that the years between 8 and 10 are a turning point in the development of our identities. It’s a time when we’re totally competent in whatever we do – and if we’re not – it’s okay. We’re smart and strong and have grandiose imaginations. We are adventurous and aspire to being anything we want.

“…Even in unhappy circumstances a girl this age possesses an uncommon clarity. No matter how repressed she is, she has the bility to get outside herself.” (p. 16) Well, bring me an order of that! Uncommon clarity! When was the last time you experienced uncommon clarity around anything, much less your identity?

Think about yourself in 4th grade. What did you love doing? What could you do that surprised you? Who were your friends and how did you play/work/communicate? What were you afraid of and how did you  overcome fears? Try to envision a specific event during those years and bring to life as many of the details as you can. Write about it or draw it or mindmap it in whatever way you can capture that image.

Now think about the woman you are today and see if you can make connections to that 4th grade girl. What are the things you miss about her? What did you take with you into womanhood? What did you leave behind that you can resurrect.  What about her might make life a little better today?

I’m off to meet some moms of 4th grade Girl Scouts tonight as we’re prepping a series on Self-Esteem. And I can’t wait to talk tot hem about the power of the 4th grade girl. I bet they’ll look at their daughters a little differently at bedtime.

If you want to work more on the 8-10 year old girl within, let me know and I’ll write more about it and create some exercises we can do together. I’d bet my paper doll collection that you were one smart, talented, fun, strong girl!

This entry was posted on Monday, February 21st, 2011 at 6:24 pm and is filed under blog items, identity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Yesterday, January 31, I finally picked up my monster fur from storage. It’s a beautiful, quite formal mink that I bought as a treat for selling my business – and a bit of my soul. Gorgeous, toasty warm and extravagant, it’s also HUGE, outdated and a bit more showy than that which fits my lifestyle. But we’re expecting 2 feet of snow in Chicago.

My mink friend is the only outerwear I have ever found that protects me from everything! Blizzards, rain, cold, probably nuclear blasts, nothing can penetrate it. So I got it out of storage, even if it’s just to walk the dog. (I envy his fur that fits him so well!)

Chicago and much of the US is facing several days of hat hair, clunky boots and poor fashion choices. So I asked Julie Judd, fashion director at Talbot’s and my co-facilitator for our LifeStyle workshops, how to best weather the weather with style. Here are some of Julie’s suggestions:

• Warmest coats — fur, shearling and down. Down is not as puffy (think Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters!) as in the past and many have hoods that help with hat hair.

• Coat length — it should cover your skirt/dress but a “maxi” down to your ankles looks clunky with flat boots, especially if you’re short. With pants, these days anything goes, though you’ll probably want to cover your rear end for warmth and for a more flattering look.

• How warm? — Keep in mind your travels. If you only go from house to car to parking garage, how warm do you have to be? If you’re shlepping to the train station, standing on el platforms or waiting for a bus, you need as many layers as possible. A coat should fit over a sweater or blazer but not too much larger. Layer with tights, long underwear or other breathable skins from REI or Dick’s Sporting Goods.

• Boots — Get a basic black or brown and keep it simple with a low or flat heel and good tread on the sole. And save your fine Italian leathers for a better weather day or change into them once you get to your destination. Unless you’re really hip, Uggs may be a bit too young for many of us.

• Hats — Cover your ears! Fedoras and berets are cute, but not the protection we need for the worst weather. We’re seeing a lot of funky lumberjack and Peruvian ski style hats this year – and many are on sale because they didn’t sell all that well. Make sure you’re not going too young by keeping away from the bright colors and plaids. You can always take it off quickly or hide it under a hood. And try to choose a hat, gloves/mittens and scarf that, color-wise, work with your coat.

• Hat Hair (ACK!) — Wet your brush, add a little product (styling mousse, hair spray) and restyle once you get to your destination if you possibly can. At work, keep a small travel blow dryer for a quick lift. Or simply add volume with your hands, then tame flyaways with product. In a pinch, hand lotion will tame static as well. (Personally I just accept a few months of bad style — sort of like junior high. No matter how hard you try, your hair has a life of its own!)

• Dog walking — yes, we need a different outfit than what we wear into the city. I have combat boots, 3 layers of turtlenecks, tights, heavy jeans, a lumberjack hat with earmuffs underneath, down mittens and 2 scarves – oh, and a ranch mink coat down to my ankles. Buddy is embarrassed to be seen with me. But we’re warm!

Stay warm and dry and pass along any other suggestions for tolerating this “typical Chicago weather”!

Tags: coats, cold weather, fashion, hair

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 1st, 2011 at 10:41 am and is filed under blog items, style. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

This past week an article from Money Talks News showed up on Yahoo that made me laugh. And think. It was a list of things that babies born this year will never experience. Things like video tape, movie rental stores, paper maps, fax machines, encyclopedias, and more. Of course this saddened me as one of my real talents is map folding and a favorite pastime has been “surfing” the encyclopedia. But it also got me thinking about some of the brands we grew up with that made such emotional impact in our lives.

Like whatever happened to Ambush cologne? Yes, if you search eBay, et al, you’ll likely find some, though there are many posts that say it has been reformulated. And while Dana Fragrances still is home to Tabu, English Leather (dreamy!), Love’s Baby Soft and Canoe, it no longer lists Ambush in any materials. It’s almost erased from Dana’s past. But not mine! Without it officially being “official”, it was the scent of choice of high school girls in the 60’s. There were ads for it – I think featuring teen model Colleen Corby – in Seventeen. And it was said that it “matched” the boys’ fragrance, Canoe. Which made for the perfect couple walking down the high school halls together. Funny how the guys could care less about cologne and the girls made it a project to get him smelling good!

Bonne Bell 10.0.6 Lotion is gone but Lip Smackers are still around and still aimed at the teen/pre-teen market. Stridex now has Power Pads – actually the whole teen skin care biz is more of an industry than it ever was. No longer is it “You wouldn’t have zits if you didn’t eat chocolate and french fries” but a wealth of products and services to promote great skin. Yet, kids still get pimples the day of their school pictures and the day of the prom!

Bobbie Brooks made shopping easy. Just buy the crew neck sweater and blouse that went with the plaid skirt or jumper and you were set. Slacks weren’t allowed in school and jeans didn’t come into our consciousness until 1967. Back-to-school shopping meant a trip to Carson’s, Field’s, Wieboldt’s (got Green Stamps!), or  a specialty shop like Honey Girl. If Grandma was buying we might hit Bonwit Teller  or Peck & Peck. But if you were using your allowance you’d be at Stuart’s. We’d look for the racks of Bobbie Brooks (now sold at Dollar General stores) or Villager (now at Kohl’s) or John Meyer of Norwich.

So a typical outfit consisted of (from the inside out) Carter’s Underpants, an A cup bra from Sears, a garter belt (!) and stockings, Capezio ballet flats, a slip, a hip-stitched skirt, peter pan collar blouse (tucked in) and cardigan sweater, accessorized with the gold circle pin that ALL girls had – because they came free in a box of Modess Napkins.

Which leads us to another product that we’re so glad has disappeared — sanitary napkins and THE BELT! The transition to womanhood was tough enough with teenage hormones and zits, but the belt just nutty. Of course we would be excused from gym during our “time of the month” and most of us learned what was going on from the pamphlets handed out in Health class. Reading “Growing Up and Liking It” was much easier than listening to an embarrassed gym teacher as she drew bad pictures of Fallopian tubes on the board. Thank you Stayfree and New Freedom for making our monthly belts obsolete. Now science is making our “monthlies” a thing of the past as well.

Probably the most daunting item of clothing in our lives in Junior High and High School was a gymsuit from the E. R. Moore Co. Nothing could bring about more embarrassment and fear than forgetting your clean/ironed gymsuit or socks at home. I still have dreams that I’ve lost my socks on the walk to school! Could anything have been less flattering? We felt lucky that ours didn’t have the elastic bloomer bottoms as previous classes but instead had short shorts. And your name had to be in letters at least 2 inches high on the back. They were comfortable and functional. By the way, the E.R. Moore Co. continues to make graduation and choir robes but is out of the gymsuit biz.

Today’s babies will never see pay phones, long distance or dial up internet but they’ll have their own version of Ambush fragrance. And we’ll always have our gymsuit memories!

What other brands and products did you love that are lost? Please share by posting on this site. We’ll enjoy each others memories!

This entry was posted on Monday, January 10th, 2011 at 11:29 am and is filed under Uncategorized, blog items, style. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

when nothing changes. Just read that in this week’s Weight Watchers weekly handout and it hit home. For all of us who are doing Weight Watchers (not dieting, please!) this week is when they change the 15 year old points program. Word is spreading fast that the 1.3 million people on WW now get most fruits and vegetables for ZERO POINTS! That’s the best news we’ve had in a long time.

The new Points Plus program comes at a time when I really needed it. For 10 months I was like a rabid dog, tracking my food and activity points – and losing. Then I got a little bit bored and found I could eat a small bag of Cheetos and still lose weight. And the small bags got more frequent and then bigger. And by then I had misplaced my tracking book – as if I’d write down that I ate a whole bag of Cheetos in one evening! And then the Cheetos “fix” led to Cheeseburgers at Wendy’s and their new Sea Salt Fries.

Here I was talking to women about fashion as I was holding in my ever-growing abs with increasing coverage of Flexees and Spanx. Things were changing – and not in a good direction!

So today is the first day of the new Weight Watchers plan and I’m ready for it. I’m ready to change for the good and am excited about learning a new way to eat. I look at WW like it’s a new hobby, until it becomes like a new good habit. I bought the calculator and guidebooks. Even a new pedometer that came with a renewed sense of mobility.

So as we move into the holiday season, think about “Nothing changes when nothing changes”. Maybe it’s a relationship with a family member that you can look at in a new way. Or it’s time to set your sights on a new line of work after the New Year. Or maybe you just need to eat more fruits and vegetables and get out to a Weight Watchers meeting. You’ll see how quickly changes happen when change happens.

What are you changing this season? Share your comments online – I’d love to see what great changes are on your way!

Tags: Weight Watchers

This entry was posted on Monday, November 29th, 2010 at 2:48 pm and is filed under blog items. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

I just picked up the November issue of O and only got to page 30 before I felt compelled to write. I was overwhelmed with the number of beauty items that we’re expected to run out and get. Well, maybe it wasn’t the NUMBER, as these magazines have always been chocked full of ‘hope in a bottle”. It was more my total inability to understand WHY I need these things.

Best quandry — Dior’s Airflash which has been “Top-Rated” by Sephora.com. It’s to give some part of your body “the runway show’s flawless finish” — but you can’t tell what part. The copy talks a bit about evening out skin tone and eliminating fine lines, but the photos are all of runway models from the neck down. So is this what we use on our legs to hide our bike accident scars and varicose veins when we’re trying to go hose-free or do we spray this on our faces (?!?!) as foundation.

Maybelline’s Instant Age Rewind is to “erase insecurities”. Did the 7 years of research and 3 patents go into inventing complexion “insecurities”. Is an “insecurity” the fear your skin will fall off or your eye-lids might drop when you’re not expecting it? Huh?

Lancome’s Genefique (with 10 years of research and 7 patents!) is a “Youth Activating Concentrate”. So does that mean our skin will break out in blackheads and acne? Or will it cause our behavior to go all nuts like we were in Junior High and lose all self-esteem and focus our lives on Donny or James or the guy sitting behind you in Geometry?

The claims that are made can truly test logic. One sounds like they’re replenishing your genes. Another highly promoted, leading anti-aging line claimed that it was voted the BEST by thousands of women in a study — which is ALWAYS going to happen when asking the general public this question. This is the brand that spends the most on advertising, so more women are aware of it. These brands ALWAYS win. It’s like saying that Kraft makes the BEST cheese. But anyone who has ever tasted real cheese from Cowgirl Creamery in CA or Parmigiano Reggiano from Parma, Italy know that Kraft Shreds don’t stand a chance as the BEST. Maybe MOST POPULAR.

Don’t forget Clinique’s line — “Because skin that is calm stays calm…” There’s nothing I hate more than jumpy, anxious skin!

But nothing beats the boots showcased in a Calvin Klein ad for the most wildly, nonsensical, impractical waste of money. Gorgeous black suede (not in Chicago slush!), ultra high stilettos (how do you stand in those things!), probably over the knee (why?) with (the best part) – peep toes! Suede boots with peep toes for winter. And it’s not so the “gold toe” from your socks shows!

I’ve always found fashion magazines to be fun and aspirational – even if I knew I’d never wear the clothes in Vogue. But I’m having a surprisingly hard time accepting the ads that are meant for you, dear reader, and me. O is targeted to us (at least based on the number of anti-aging ads and Oprah’s age!) and yet many of the ads and products just seem silly.

If you know me, I’m the first one to recommend a great new tinted moisturizer or bargain on a great low-heeled boot. I have the hottest “sensible shoes” to be found and dress my “How to Not Look Old” best. But one of the realities of aging is becoming more mature and rejecting silly ways to spend money. By now we have a better sense of priorities and youth and fashion aren’t quite as high up on the ladder as it once was.

Curmudgeon or adult, I just wish advertisers and the media had a better understanding of what we need, what we want and what is worth spending our money on. And would at least have someone with some sense look at their ads before spending thousands of dollars on an ad no one understands.

I’d love to hear your favorite “huh?” experiences! Please share!

Please

Tags: O magazine

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 19th, 2010 at 1:39 pm and is filed under blog items. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

After one of our more animated LifeSort workshops, Chris and I were chatting about our participants and how they seem to be looking for a bit of normalcy in their lives. Which got me thinking… what’s normal?

Chris, you asked me to think about what’s normal for a woman fifty plus?  Well, you know that’s the kind of question that gets people like me (psychologists) to say, “it depends.”

First of all, who is doing the defining of normal and what does that mean?

I think there’s probably a larger range of “normal” psychological responses for anyone of any age than we typically think.   Definitions of normalcy differ from region to region, culture to culture, person to person.  I know, I know – I quibble.

If you’ve seen the movie, “Babies” you will no doubt have recognized how different “normal” childrearing is in different cultures.  That movie was also a good reminder that some developmental things are universal, mostly in the physical realm, but also in the behavioral realm.   So I’d like to encourage people to recognize both the wide range of things that are normal for women of our age while giving a nod to the universals (e.g., menopause, diminished physical capacity, signs of aging, etc.)

So much of what we read about this stage of life talks about the transitions involved in being 50+.  Some of these transitions are as monumental as what we experienced at puberty, yes?  Remember those oh-so-discreet books from Kotex about menstruation, “You’re a woman now”?  I remember feeling like they offered comfort but didn’t quite spell out all the answers, particularly about why the grownups were so mysterious about it all.

Today, who’s offering those gentle, discreet, comforting messages?  “You’re a woman of a certain age now” might be the title and I think a lot of women feel like they could use some comforting messages even if mystery remains.  But now that we are of a “certain age,” we seem to be expected to figure out the mystery ourselves; we are the grownups.

What if I’m feeling anxious about my relationships at this age?  Normal.  How about worrying about my appearance when I never seemed to worry before?  Normal.  How about not caring about my appearance like I used to?  Normal. Still feeling like I’m a pouting teenager with my parents?  Normal.  Feeling rebellious about my work?  Normal.  Wanting to move on to different work?  Normal.  Loving the empty nest?  Normal.  Hating the empty nest?  Normal.  Feeling afraid that my body will betray me one time too often?  Normal.  Wondering how many times I’m going to have to work a familiar issue out?  Normal, normal, normal.

You get the picture.  Maybe one thing in the new normal of getting older is that we now have the life experience to help us recognize and celebrate our resilience as we experience new challenges (along with some of the old ones, too, of course).  And we do have the capacity to figure out the new normal for ourselves at this age.

(Our Pursuit of Normal, cont.)

Below I’ve listed some starting points for writing your own edition of “You’re a Woman of a Certain Age Now.”  (What do you find normal for you?  What’s important to you?  Where are you headed with…?)

• Menopause
• Relationships with others
• Concern about our place in the social structure
• Independence
• Physical appearance and who finds us attractive
• Empty nests
• Care for aging parents
• Career transitions, retirement, productivity
• Loss of physical capabilities or experiencing serious illness
• Thoughts about our own mortality
• Freedom
• Life’s meaning

All normal.

Liz

We’d love your comments or questions about how you feel ”normal”. Post a comment with your normal thoughts, please.

Tags: normal

This entry was posted on Friday, October 1st, 2010 at 11:00 am and is filed under blog items, identity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.