Today, I’m asking you to take a moment and reflect on something in your life that turned out better than you had ever expected the results to be. It may be something like:
- Your son’s wedding (you knew it would be wonderful but never expected to have SO much fun)
- A really great haircut (think of the women on “What Not to Wear” and their looks of delight)
- Reunion time with your high school girlfriends (see photo)
- Your best performance review at work (in the words of Sally Fields at the Oscars — “You like me! You really like me!”)
- Coffee with a new-found friend (relaxing in the commonalities and learning in the differences)
- Dessert (mine is the first bite into fresh, flaky strudel or the complex flavors of tiramisu, heightened with real whipped cream)
All too often we set up expectations in our minds of how something will turn out. We anticipate the situation, the way an event unfolds, how we’ll feel about it afterwards. Maybe we feel obligated to attend. Maybe we’re SO excited that nothing short of “the next coming” can live up to what we have created in our imaginations. Maybe we even feel dread – because of “a bug” we put into our heads about what is going to happen.
Yet, one of life’s great pleasures is being surprised and delighted by reality. I have to admit to a world-class imagination that has served me (and my imaginary friend, Holy Zimmer) well throughout my life. It got me through many hours of Mr. Hanna’s social studies classes in Jr. High. And helped make me successful in a long career in marketing. Yet, led me to a panic attack in college, thinking about going to a fraternity toga party. (I don’t know WHAT I was expecting, but I’m sure I didn’t miss anything!) And felt let-down when no one at work paid attention to the great project I finished on Comfort Foods. There should have AT LEAST been cupcakes!
We can’t necessarily control “what’s to come”, but we can control our expectations. We can keep our imaginations in check and we can shut down those “bugs” that take us to ugly possibilities. In creativity training, we’re taught to “suspend judgment” so that ideas come freely without mental editing. In Eastern religions, we’re taught to live in the moment so that we fully appreciate what we have now. Yet anticipating what’s to come often adds richness and excitement to life. And preparing for these moments often lets us experience them more freely.
So today, let’s think about managing our expectations while enjoying our better-than-expected (b-t-e) moments. Try this:
1) Put aside 15 minutes for you and make a healthy b-t-e treat, like a tea that was b-t-e when you tried it or b-t-e piece of fruit.
2) Write down a b-t-e time in your life when you were truly surprised and delighted.
3) For this b-t-e time, write down at least 7 ways in which the outcome surpassed your expectations.
4) Go off and create a b-t-e moment for someone else today.
And then share your b-t-e experiences by posting a comment.
By the way, I had a HUGE b-t-e surprise today with a wonderful article about Mirror Image, Julie Judd and me in today’s Chicago Tribune. Huge thanks to very-talented writer, Darcy Lewis, for capturing the essence of what we’re doing with women over 50. We share 8 tips for dressing like yourself – not your daughter or your mom.
Have a better than expected day!
Chris